Please remember to tip your mortician!
Tim Schrandt is now six-feet-under, but his obituary will live on — as material for stand-up comics everywhere.
“The “crusty” codger from Iowa died last month after a short battle with cancer, but even that fight was fair game for family laughs, according to the Des Moines Register.
“When he died, the cancer died, so technically it was a tie!” the obituary reads. “He was ready to meet his Maker, we’re just not sure ‘The Maker’ is ready to meet Tim.”
Schrandt, 63, who hailed from Spillville — population 351 (now 350) — “made his last inappropriate comment” on March 29, the obit says.
“If you are wondering if you may have ever met him, you didn’t — because you WOULD remember. For those of you that did meet him, we apologize…”
The fourth of eight children, Schrandt spent his childhood and early adulthood “tormenting” his younger siblings, the obit reads. “He was a great orator, (not like Shakespeare, but more like Yogi Berra)..”
The veteran tool and die maker, who spent his professional life surrounded by “a bunch of morons” also “led a good life and had a peaceful death — but the transition was a bitch,” the obituary zings. “Good luck God!”
“Tim leaves behind a hell of a lot of stuff that his family doesn’t know what to do with,” the obituary notes and is survived by loved ones who should probably keep their day jobs.
